As the new year has begun, I have decided I am not going to do a bunch of goals for the year as I have in times past to bog me down and overwhelm me. This year I was going to pick a specific few and just go with it. One goal I set every year and am keeping is to have a word or phrase in the forefront of my mind throughout the year. In a separate post I can explain how I get my word or phrase but for now I am just going to jump into it's meaning for my life.
I suffer with depression and anxiety. Either of those things can be debilitating and so having both is no picnic. I don't typically leave my house unless it's to go to work or church, I just don't find a reason to nor do I get asked to do a lot of things, which is how I prefer it to be. This can be very secluding and over time I got comfortable with being by myself so I began to say no to the few opportunities that did arise. It was starting to take a toll on me more than I even knew.
When praying about what my new word or phrase should be I asked God to make it clear and to give me confirmation. I was scrolling on my phone one day in December when I saw a video about burning a candle. I like candles and didn't know at first glance it was metaphorical so I watched the video. It talked about how a girl was ridiculed for spending a sum of money to go to another country for her 21st birthday and her response to the ridicule was something that really resonated with me, she said something along the lines of she would never be that age in that country at that time again and while it did cost a sum of money, that couldn't replace the memories she was creating.
Something that goes along with depression and anxiety for me personally is overthinking but this concept has opened my eyes to realize not everything is that deep. Some situations you're in can feel like it's going to be your 'end all, be all' but when you shift your thinking to this is just a moment in time that will soon pass, it make these moments tolerable.
The exact phrase I'm keeping in the forefront of my mind "burn the candle" comes from someone who was explaining in the same video that she had been gifted some expensive chocolates from a family member traveling back from another country and they were Mozart themed. She wanted to cherish them and not eat them because they were so pretty. She eventually realized she'd better eat them before they get bad only to find they'd literally became dust. She gave another example talking about people who buy or are gifted expensive candles and they just let them sit out or in a closet never burning them. She said that life is too short and we should just burn the candles and eat the chocolates and take the trips. We will never be in this exact moment ever again so we need to choose wisely what we're doing with each one we're given.
In December, I had a friend pass away. He was only 21, the age I am now. Around the time of his passing is when I saw this video and that was the confirmation I needed to start making some different decisions about my life. The Bible says that life is but a vapor and that is so true. Only God knows when our time will come to an end in this life and how we spend the short time we're here on this earth matters. It matters to God and it matters to those around us. Depression is a thief and can try to make us believe our actions in this life don't really matter, that's something I am currently battling, but they do and if we don't make the good choices and the right decisions, one day we will regret it. Although life can be so hard and heartbreaking, how we persevere is what is really going to matter in the end.
I want to leave you with this, everyday is filled with choices and everyday has new mercies from God. You may feel like you are tired of putting yourself out there and getting your heart broken, you may be tired of dreaming because they seem stationary and hopeless but God offers His love to us and His Son's saving grace through His blood for us to gain those new mercies daily so we can choose Him and His ways. God doesn't offer us a perfect life, but He does offer a perfect eternity. I hope and pray for you that no matter how many times life mows you down, you get up again and you fight every day to make the most of them until God takes us home.
-Kadesia
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